Woke up with a rash and a lazy eye
Pretty sure it’s cancer, pretty sure I’m gonna die
Called up my friend from college
He took a lot of science
Said I should call a doctor
As if that was an option

Then we laughed and laughed until we were good and hoarse
He said it might not get better but it probably won’t get worse
Just get some aloe vera,
Just cut yourself some bangs
You can make your ailments
A hot new fashion trend

Who cares if it doesn’t get better
As long as it doesn’t get worse
Who cares if it’s lupus, gangrene, or gout
Might as well be a gypsy curse
You can take your copay
And shove it up your ass
Three years ago
I took a first aid class


Haven’t been able to breathe right since the spring of 2012
But it’s gonna be fine, I’ve got a friend who makes this salve
I’ve got some local honey
I’ve got some supplements
I’d get antibiotics
But I gotta pay the rent

Woke up and then threw up in the middle of the night
Probably some bad Thai food, I’m sure I’ll be all right
Got a real bad headache
My nose bleeds when I sneeze
But I gotta go to work
So I’ll call it allergies

Who cares if it doesn’t get better
As long as it doesn’t get worse
Who cares if my life’s getting shorter
As long as I get a hot hospice nurse
I’m underinsured
And I am too
Who fuckin’ cares
We’re gonna drink and screw

Who cares if it doesn’t get better
As long as it doesn’t get worse
As long/ as/ it doesn’t get worse